WHAT ARE FAMILY CONSTELLATIONS?
Family Constellations are a rapidly growing method for looking at personal and family problems – they offer real possibilities for healing and transformation. Unlike any other form of therapy, the aim is to bring to light unconscious events, often in previous generations of our family, that may be contributing to current difficulties. Hopefully they can then be laid to rest, so we can move forward with greater choice and freedom in how we lead our lives.
This way of working was developed by Bert Hellinger, a German psychotherapist who discovered that many persistent problems that cause suffering were actually ‘entanglements’ within the family system. In other words, our inability to thrive in certain areas of life is not due to a lack of effort or capability, but to forces bigger than us that are difficult, if not impossible, to overcome without first acknowledging the underlying family dynamic.
He evolved a group process in which these hidden dynamics are revealed through the movements, feelings and expressions of people from the group who ‘take on’ or represent family members, illnesses and other aspects of the family system. Once revealed, these dynamics can be fully acknowledged and integrated back into the system, restoring balance and the natural flow of love.
WHAT HAPPENS IN A WORKSHOP
After an initial grounding exercise, the facilitator asks the group who would like to ‘work’. If you are chosen as client, there is a short interview in which you are asked about your issue or difficulty, or something you really long for in your life. You then choose people from the group to represent members of your family, different parts of yourself, or something along those lines.
If you are chosen as a representative, it is really important that you trust yourself and your body. You are placed in the ‘middle’ space by the client and simply wait for something to come through – a feeling, a sensation, an urge to move somewhere. You are not doing something; you are tuning into your body and allowing whatever needs to come through to take place. It’s hard to understand until you experience it – this work is deeper than role-play. In role-play, such as psycho-drama, you are told the story of the person you represent, so you think first, form an idea of that person, then act it. With constellations it is the other way round.
This is most clearly demonstrated when you experience someone representing. Without knowing anything about the client, representatives start to feel and say things that resonate absolutely with the client’s idea of the person they have chosen. In this way we bring to light the unconscious reality in the family, revealing dynamics that are often unknown to the client.
BACKGROUND
Although scientists and theoreticians are trying to make sense of what happens in a workshop, no-one really knows at present how it works. It does seem as if the family system has a conscience which demands that the system be in order, and there are laws which operate to ensure this. These laws have nothing to do with right or wrong. The two main ones are:
• Everyone has an equal right to belong to their family system.
• There is a hierarchy in terms of time.
When we by-pass these laws – by excluding family members, not mourning those who die young, not acknowledging abortions, having children adopted and never speaking of them, or unacknowledged affairs or prior relationships – the consequences can be felt by later generations with no awareness of why they feel as they do. These feelings, and the resulting inability to thrive, can show up as depression, addictions, mental or physical illness, infertility, difficulty forming or maintaining long-term intimate relationships, being drawn towards death, patterns of self-sabotage and more.
The effects of war, emigration and cultural differences are also deep and profound, and often need to be included. It also seems that dying is a process, and that we sometimes need to communicate with the dead to free ourselves and them.
Family Constellations will completely change your way of being. Fully embracing the approach means looking at your own life and that of others through a new lens, which opens your heart and eventually leads to a deeper acceptance of all that is.
Constellations for Our Children
Parents will naturally do anything to help their children when they see them blocked in some area of life. Constellations offer a way to look at what may be causing this, be it an issue with one or both parents, a burden passed down to the child, or an entanglement with a family member who was shunned or excluded.
Generally, one parent attends a workshop (or individual session) and sets up a constellation including representatives for the child or children, and the work unfolds from there. The children themselves are not present, so a parent can do this work on behalf of children who would not yet have the capacity for such a deep process.
ABOUT EMILY
Emily Fisher, 54, is the mother of three grown-up daughters. After being a stay-at-home mum, then a painter and decorator, she came to family constellations about five years ago, looking for a healing modality to train in that went deeper than talking. Having sat for many years in sharing circles in 12 step programs for families of addicts, she felt that the embodied, rooted experience of constellations could make more tangible changes. After one of her first constellation camps she realised she hadn’t had a hot flush in weeks, having previously had severe menopause symptoms.
She’s always been in touch with the wild side, growing up free range in the countryside, going to Steiner school and finding ceremony in the small moments.
As with all families, uncovering her own family system has been a complicated and profound journey, and constellation work has allowed her to do some beautiful healing. What she loves is that it cuts through the story and comes in underneath, looking at the root cause of our transgenerational trauma.
Being dyslexic, Emily’s approach is embodied and attuned rather than intellectualised. Her work is informed by Gestalt therapy. She trained with Barbara Morgan of ‘Coming Home Constellations’ after landing in one of her drop-in workshops, being deeply moved and booking a full week camp with her the next week. She completed the training last year and continues as Barbara’s apprentice.
She loves sharing this work, as powerful movements of the soul can take place.